"Will ya still need me, will ya still feed me, when I'm 64?"

When I started messing around with this blog, my goal was to post something every week. That has not happened. I don't even know why. There are plenty of things going on in my life. It's like writing, in general. There's a commitment involved. I've kind of sucked at commitment this last year. It's just too easy to sit in my chair and watch random television. Gonna give it another go today.

Today is my birthday. 64. Big Scottie was just barely 64 when he left me. The ultimate commitment. So here I am, looking down the road toward who will need me, who will feed me. Fortunately, I'm a pretty healthy 64, but the beautiful women in the photo, my daughters, will take care of me forever. I remember when 64 seemed old. It's all relative, isn't it? For me, right now, it's not old. It's just a number. For Scott...It still takes my breath away when I think about it.

People say the second year is just as hard as the first. I didn't want to believe that. I don't want to believe it. So far, it's been pretty stinkin' tough. It's different. Not the crushing grief that made me nonfunctional. It's just become so permanent. The pangs I feel in my chest as others go on vacations, out to eat, all those things you do with your special someone. It's a different kind of lonely. A melancholy feeling, longing for times past and knowing that those days are gone. Done, for good.

I thank the good Lord every day for my girls, grands, my family, and my friends. They all seem to still want to be around me as I weave through this journey of grief and growth, so birthday blessings to me.

As always, thanks for reading my ramblings. Please feel free to like and share.