Forever Changed

I don't feel like the me I was two years ago. Is that good or bad? I don't know. Loss changes a person. I have noticed changes which I am proud of, like I can put together a Wayfair purchase all by myself. In the past, it was always a two-person job. I'm really proud of myself for turning it into a solo act.

I've always been an independent thinker, but I have found strength in my independence that I never knew I had. Financial decisions, business decisions, personal decisions. Who knew? I can do all of them solo. My sadness at having to be this independent has significantly decreased.

My former me was a total extrovert. This has been a big change for the current me. I've become much more reclusive, and weirdly, I'm okay with it. Former me needed lots of activity, plans, socialization. Current me is content with my family, my dearest friends, and my writing. I wonder sometimes if the extrovert will emerge again, but it's okay if it doesn't.

I am finding joy and laughter again. Guilt-free joy and laughter in my new introverted world. It feels great to not be consumed by sadness anymore.

Online dating has begun to occupy a little bit of my time. I've gone from total freak-out and instant deletes to having a few conversations. I'm still working on overcoming my guilt with this process, but it gets really lonely, especially at night. Changes.

I'm working on a short story about online dating. There is A LOT of fodder for humor on these sites. So, while I'm still fighting the whole guilt thing, I'm meeting a few guys and getting a lot of laughs. Seriously, if you've never had the experience of online dating, let me tell you, it's a trip! I've had some crazy proclamations made to me after one or two messages.

But you'll have to wait for my short story to hear about them!

As always, thanks for reading my rambling thoughts.