Anyone want a snippet?

I thought I might share my first chapter, just in case anyone is interested. I need to pique your interest. The business of getting published is all about shameless self-promotion. So here goes!

Chapter 1

Lynn Wichern stepped out of the shower and mindlessly hummed Happy Birthday as she took a swipe at the mirror. Happy Birthday. What a stupid phrase. Maybe it was happy at single digits or turning 21, but happy birthday at 48 years old, how ludicrous. She would be putting on a show for her family. Wasn’t that what she did best? Today was going to be a whopper. Lynn would surprise all of them after her fabulous birthday dinner of, oh, probably pizza or sub sandwiches. Yes sir, Mom had a surprise for all of them. Her bag was packed, and her ticket was purchased. The leased condo in a small beach community in Florida for the whole month of May was waiting. Between her recent visits to the oncologist and all the secret phone calls that Kevin had been making and receiving on his cell phone, Lynn knew that she needed some space. Space from him, her diagnosis, the kids, everything, away from her Midwest roots in small town Missouri. She knew Kevin would be shocked. That was the plan.

Being born and raised in Jackson, Missouri, a couple hours south of St. Louis, Lynn had lived a life of small-town values. According to her parents, if you played by all the rules and made the right choices, life would be good. So, she had always played by those rules and taught her children in the same manner. Life had thrown her a curve ball, though, even with all that rule following and righteous living. She needed space from doing the right thing, just this once.

Staring at her reflection in the mirror, Lynn made a sour face. She saw an extra chin and small creases around her eyes and her mouth that resembled a map. Like the map of her life, sporadic and chopped off. She bared her teeth and grimaced.

“I look like a linebacker,” Lynn said with a grimace as she attempted to suck her stomach in.

“You are really something to behold. Why the hell did they ever start putting up mirrors in a place where you can see your whole body naked,” she muttered.

Turning to walk into her bedroom, Lynn tripped on Kevin’s big sandals and stubbed her toe. Tears welled in her eyes and anger bubbled to the surface as she kicked one shoe out of her way. The shoe flew out the door and just about knocked her husband in the head.

“Whoa there!!” Kevin hollered as he caught the flying shoe. “What was that for?” he asked innocently, knowing full well that he must have left them on the floor.

He looked at Lynn, still dripping in her towel and could not believe how his heart still pounded when he saw her like this; how beautiful she was, and how much he wanted to throw her on the bed and take her right at that moment. He carefully ignored the guilt of infidelity which crowded his thoughts. It had been a long, long time since they had had spontaneous sex. Hell, they hardly even talked any more, it seemed to Kevin. But nevertheless, Lynn was looking hot in her towel. Then he caught of glimpse of her face and the tears in her eyes.

“Oh Baby, I’m sorry I left my stuff on the floor. But it’s nothing to cry about, for Pete’s sake! Get dressed! The kids are all here for your birthday. Come on now, hurry up!”

With that he turned and headed down the stairs. Lynn’s tears were not something he wanted to deal with. He had no clue as to how to deal with her. Christ, it seemed like all she had wanted for years was to be done running kids and to go back to work. Now the time had come and all she could do was cry and bitch about being fat.

Kevin Wichern was a 50-year-old hippy. A guy that just couldn’t let go of the 70’s. He still looked great in his jeans. The same jeans he wore in 1976. That never seemed to bother Lynn in the past, but now, things were different now. Lynn was evasive and cold. She did not make eye contact with him anymore. This was a big danger warning for Kevin. Lynn always wanted to talk, to get it all out there, but not now. Kevin was fine with pretending that everything was fine. He was not a guy who needed eye contact, but Lynn’s lack of it was unnerving. Even though she never accused him, had never said a word, Kevin was fairly sure that Lynn had found out about Lisa. Something had changed.

Kevin was an artist. His talent was what had drawn Lynn to him in the first place. Back in college, Lynn and Kevin spent all their time drinking cheap wine and sketching. Lynn eventually gave up the artistic life in favor of the pursuit of a degree in counseling, but Kevin was good, his drawings and paintings were thought provoking and intuitive. He had even had a showing at the university after graduation, but as time passed, life got tedious, and Kevin rarely picked up his chalks or pencils. He had gotten lazy and preferred just painting the interior of people’s homes. He had made a name for himself with his creative interior painting and was able to make a good living in the interior design world. All it took was a couple of tokes on a joint and he could paint for hours. He had sold a few paintings at Lynn’s insistence and had made some good money, but the fact remained, what he really liked to do was smoke weed and paint walls and he was good at both.

When Lynn thought about her husband’s willingness to settle for his mediocre existence, she was infuriated. Sometimes she felt that Kevin had never moved past the college mentality. He was almost 50 years old! Why had he never wanted to pursue a professional career? Lynn was one step away from completing her Doctorate in Counseling. She had put her education on hold when the kids were growing up, working periodically with a local counselor. Lynn loved working with troubled teens and her skills were obvious as many of the kids she worked with became successful students and happy young people.

Lynn and Kevin had three nearly grown children. While Kevin had been building his business, Lynn had raised the kids. It seemed like all she had done for the past 20 years was juggle her clients and attend games and practices of some sort. If it wasn’t baseball season, it was football, tennis, soccer, swimming. They had done it all. The kids had come along so close together that life had been a real whirlwind. Kevin had been a big proponent of “Let them find themselves,” which translated to Lynn as, “Let them do whatever, just don’t bug me about it”.

As Lynn glared out the door at her husband, she admonished herself, “Shake it off, girl. In about two hours you are out of here!”

She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and threw on a pair of jeans and a polo shirt. She checked down the hall and satisfied that she was alone, rolled her big suitcase out into the hallway. Everything was ready. Once this birthday thing was over, her adventure would begin.

Lynn listened for a minute and to her surprise, heard her family buzzing around in the kitchen getting ready for her big birthday dinner, whatever it was. In the past, if her birthday had even been acknowledged, it had always ended up being more work for her.

“It’s my own fault. I did everything for them. I created this monster. Now it is my turn.”

Lynn had a moment of melancholy as she heard Jason say, “You know, Dad, Ma looks pretty damn good for her age! A couple of my friends think she’s hot!”

Her moment was cut short when she heard Kevin laugh uproariously like that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. Lynn shut the bedroom door, tears blinding her eyes. She did not hear Kevin as he socked Jason in the arm and said, “I’ll kick some jailbait ass! The woman is mine!” The kids had all laughed and joked about how crazy their dad was about their mom.

All Lynn could think about was getting the hell out of there. She checked her suitcase and her carry-on. All the paperwork was in order, her airline tickets in one envelope and the ominous envelope from her oncologist in another. She had already shipped a couple of boxes of personal items that would arrive that day, before she did. Pictures, the little bird statue that Blake had carved for her at Boy Scout camp many years previously; little pieces of home that would make her condo a home away from home. She zipped up her bags and headed down the stairs.

The kids and Kevin were busy in the kitchen when she stuck her head in. For a moment she was stopped, amazed at the group of beautiful people in this room. Carrie saw her first as she turned to place a big plate covered with tortillas on the table. Her long strawberry blonde hair was damp and sticking to her warm face. She was wearing a pair of her brother’s cutoff jeans and a big t-shirt proclaiming, “I Did It in Cancun.” She was barefoot and tan and beautiful.

“Mom! Happy Birthday!”

19-year-old Carrie skipped across the tiled floor to her mother and gave her a big, sweaty hug. She was Lynn’s baby. The youngest of the three and finally a girl. Carrie had been the joy of her life, all smiles and hugs. She was still Lynn’s best buddy.

Lynn hugged her back and said, “Thanks, Princess. Wow, what have you guys got going on in here?”

Scents of chili powder, garlic, and cheese filled the kitchen. It smelled like a Mexican restaurant. There were balloons and a big pink donkey piñata hanging from the ceiling. Carrie was obviously excited, broad smile on her face, moving efficiently from stove to table. She bumped into Jason who was busily stirring something on the stove, keeping his face turned away to hide the big bushy fake mustache he had just glued to his upper lip.

“Happy Birthday, Ma!” he said without turning, a chuckle in his voice. He knew his mom would crack up at the mustache.

Kevin and Blake met Lynn at the entry and bowed deeply. They were both in shorts and sombreros. They each took one of Lynn’s arms and escorted her into the kitchen. They looked ridiculous, but Lynn thought they were adorable.

Blake was her middle child; her intuitive, sensitive boy. Lynn could not believe he was 21 years old. Her connection with Blake had always been tight. He always knew what to say. Lynn felt that Blake had probably picked up on the tension between her and Kevin. He checked on her regularly and Lynn felt bad having had to leave him in the dark.

The extravagance of the feast was overwhelming. She had been so wrapped up in her plans that she had paid no attention to what was going on in her house. Why would she have expected anything? Kevin had just always sucked at holidays and birthdays and anniversaries and well, the way she felt today, he sucked at about everything. She thought about the big manila envelope which was hidden in her bag. Lynn shook her head and decided to join the party.

“Well, when did you people learn to cook?” Lynn leaned over the stove to get a look at what Jason was stirring so intently. She caught a glimpse of the mustache and started laughing.

“El Happy Birthday-O Mamacita,” Jason said with a squeeze around her shoulders. “Carrie put me in charge of the refried beans. What do you think?”

Jason was 23 and the oldest of the three Wichern children. Always intense and focused, Jason was studying for his law degree. He had wanted to be a lawyer for as long as Lynn remembered, and he was working hard to make it happen. The silly, crooked mustache hanging from her son’s lip both tugged at her heart and made her laugh. She squeezed him back.

Lynn stuck her little finger into the pot and tasted the beans. She knew that Jason would probably rather be doing anything else in world than cooking. Carrie had been wise to put him in charge of heating up the beans. They were great; made with love. She had a little lump in her throat. Sure, today, the day she was taking her break, this was the day they all decide to be nice and sweet and think about someone besides themselves.

Kevin was beaming at her across the room. Lynn could hardly look at him, all smiley and shaggy and handsome. He was holding a box about the size of a shoe box in his hand.

Lynn thought, “He even bought a present. He must know I am up to something, and he is trying to make nice. Too little, too late.”

Kevin was excited about the dinner, about the present, about the whole occasion. He had no idea that Lynn would be leaving after dinner. It never crossed Kevin’s mind that Lynn wasn’t just deliriously happy with her life. He figured that her recent moodiness and distant behavior had to be PMS or menopause or some other female issue. Husband, kids, nice home… what more could a woman want?

“What’s in the box? Is it alive?”

Lynn took the box from Kevin who was practically jumping up and down with excitement. The box was bulky and heavy in her lap. It was wrapped beautifully in blue and silver paper, a ruffled silver bow plopped on top. Lynn ran her fingers along the edge of the shiny paper, reluctant to rip it. Nervously curious about what the box held, she set it on the table and sat down, feeling oddly awkward. She had counted on this birthday being no different from all the rest, which would have added fuel to the fire of her exit.

“No, it’s not alive! Open, Open, Open!” Kevin replied, with the kids chiming in. Everyone clamored around Lynn urging her to rip the paper.

Kevin brushed his sandy blonde hair from his eyes. Lynn did love that hair. Kevin looked like a GQ model in his jeans with that mop of hair. He was smiling broadly right at that moment, very pleased with himself and the gift he was about to give to Lynn.

Seated at the table, she pulled the paper off slowly. She wanted to save the beautiful blue paper. Carrie must have done that. Kevin would never take the time to actually wrap a birthday present. She opened the box and saw what looked like a photo album. On the front cover the words “The Story of Us” had been carefully stenciled on. Carrie must have done that too. Lynn did not know what to say. She opened the book and began to page through. It was perfect. Kevin had enlisted the help of the kids and they had put together an album of their lives. He had embellished the pages with his own artwork, phrases about love and family. Lynn was stunned.

“This is beautiful,” she said with a lump in her throat.

The kids and Kevin were all talking at once, each one wanting her to look at the section pertaining to them. Lynn touched the wedding picture on the first page. It seemed like a million years ago. They looked like babies. The lump in her throat was growing.

Lynn coughed and took a swipe at her eyes and said, “You guys are making me all misty-eyed. I love it, but I’m going to look at it later. I’m afraid I’ll start bawling and ruin the day.”

She hastily shoved the book back in the box and shushed the kids as they protested. It figured that all this wonderful stuff was happening today. But Lynn was not going to be derailed.

“Come on family. Let’s eat this amazing dinner that you guys have worked so hard on.”

She stood up and led the crew to the table. The chairs scraped the floor as everyone took a spot at the table, such comforting family noise. Lynn had to will herself not to break down.

Carrie served as their hostess. There was sangria and Mexican beer. Homemade enchiladas, refried beans, salsa and chips. They had even attempted Mexican fried ice-cream which had melted and totally flopped, so they baked a pineapple upside down cake, Lynn’s favorite. It was the best family gathering that Lynn had experienced in a long time. As they sat around the table, Lynn felt overwhelming love for her family. For a moment, she felt unsure about her decision to take this break. But she could not even look at Kevin, and the feeling deep in her gut quickly pushed the doubt out of her head. The conversation was lively. Lots of laughter and stories being told.

As they finished up with the pineapple upside down cake, Lynn said, “You are all amazing! I had no idea you could cook like this!” She wiped her mouth with her napkin.

Jason laughed, “We’ve tried to keep it a secret. Didn’t want to take over your job.”

Lynn rolled her eyes at the reference to “her job” in the kitchen. She pushed her chair back and said, “Well, I can’t eat another bite. Excellent job, guys.”

Everyone helped with the clean-up but Kevin who was already checked out and peaking constantly at his phone. Lynn followed him into the living room. He was kicked back on the couch, reading the newspaper and seemingly unaware that Lynn was even in the room. His phone was on silent, but Lynn was keenly aware of the buzz, buzz, that indicated the arrival of a text message. Kevin glanced at his phone but did not respond. She wanted to grab it and make a scene. It took everything she had to pretend to ignore the sound.

After the kitchen was cleaned up, the house began to settle down. The boys, who roomed together across town, were getting ready to leave.

Blake gave his mom a big bear hug and whispered in her ear, “I can tell that something is up with you. Want to talk?”

He looked deeply into her eyes. Lynn kissed his cheek and decided she better drop the bomb. As she looked at her intuitive son, so concerned, she shook her head. No, she most certainly did not want to talk about it. Especially not to her kids. She only wished that Kevin might have the same intuition, though she was sure that he would not. She took a deep breath and felt her heart rate rising. This was not going to be easy.

“Before you guys head out of here, I want to talk to everyone.”

She stood up in the living room where Kevin was already sprawled on the couch. He looked up at his family. The kids all looked expectantly at Lynn, wondering what their mother was about to say. She looked very serious and on the verge of tears. Everyone sat down and Kevin swung his long legs over to let Lynn sit next to him. He lifted one eyebrow as Lynn took the power stance in the middle of the room. He always knew when Lynn was ready for a fight because she refused to sit down. Arms folded tightly, Lynn blew out her breath and was amazed at how calm she suddenly felt.

Carrie, Jason, and Blake each looking at the mother quizzically, scattered around the living room, not sure if they were ready to hear what she had to say.

“Here’s the deal. First, today was the best day I have had in many months.” A small sob escaped from Lynn’s throat. She hastily swallowed and continued. “I was beginning to wonder where all of you had been while I was raising you, but today I see that maybe you were listening.”

Kevin leaned forward, listening, frown deepening on his handsome face. Carrie sat on the edge of her chair, as though she might spring up at any moment, while the boys both sat, with arms crossed, focused on what Lynn was saying. All their minds were whirling with reasons why she would be saying the things she was saying. Flickers of guilt and worry. Where was she going with this?

She shrugged and went on, “I guess maybe I was just in too much of a hurry for you to grow up. To start thinking about something other than yourselves.”

Carrie looked at her mother with big blue eyes, eyes that showed genuine concern, a little bit of fear and confusion.

“Mom, I know that we…” Carrie began.

“Not yet, honey,” Lynn interrupted and held her hand up. “I’ve got something to say, and I need to just say it. Two things, actually. First, last week I got the results of my biopsy.

She paused and made eye contact with every person in the room. They all sat up straighter at the mention of a biopsy. Her gaze landed on Kevin, who had no idea she had even gone to the doctor. He stared back at her, impossible to read.

“Did any of you know that I found a lump in my breast? Of course you don’t. I didn’t tell anyone, and nobody has seemed very interested in what was going on in my life these days.”

Lynn could feel adrenalin starting to course through her body and her heart was starting to pound. Her hands were sweating and she could feel the flush creeping up toward her face and neck.

“Anyway, I got the results back and it looks like I’ve got some decisions to make. I have cancer. There, I said it. Cancer.”

She could feel the corners of her mouth twitching. No, no, no; she would not lose it yet.

Lynn took another breath. “Secondly, I am leaving for a month, tonight. I don’t want any of you to take me to the airport. I promise I will be back in one month. I don’t want company; I don’t want support. I just need this time for me. Alone.”

Kevin stood up, a deep frown forming on his face, and said in a tightly controlled voice, “Kids, please leave us alone.”

Lynn held her power position in the middle of the room. She was not going to be influenced by their emotions, not this time. Kevin was not prepared for this Lynn. She had always been the peacekeeper; the one who would bend and change for everyone else. She looked like a stranger to him.

Carrie teared up as soon as the words were out of her mother’s mouth and now, she was crying uncontrollably.

“Mom! Why didn’t you share any of this with us! Why didn’t you tell ME?”

Carrie ran from the room and out the kitchen door. The door slammed behind her, echoing through a now very quiet house. She and her mom had always been so close. This was big news and her mom had not breathed a word to her. Carrie was scared for her mother, but her feelings were hurt, too.

Blake, with tears staining his face, shook his head sadly and said, “I knew there was something up with you.”

He hugged Lynn and followed Carrie out of the room. Jason did not move. He stood solid, fists clenched, his temper flaring and he wasn’t sure who he was mad at.

“You are not getting rid of me that easy. I know you think that I am still just a kid. But I’m not! What the hell!! So, are you going to die, or what?!” Jason was shouting at his mother.

Lynn had expected an explosive response from Kevin. An outpouring of unfounded anger as he tried to cover his guilt. Kevin stood still, silent, clearly unsure of what his next move should be. She was shaken at Carrie and Jason’s show of emotion. Jason’s reaction frightened her, but with her decision made, she held fast to her control and was proud of the fact that she had not broken down.

“Out!” Kevin said as he shoved his oldest son toward the kitchen “Go on Jase. I need to talk to your mom alone.”

Jason stood immobilized. “Mom, seriously! Why didn’t you tell anyone? How were we supposed to know?”

Kevin nodded to the door. Jason swung his large frame around and stormed toward the kitchen, stopping long enough to double his fist and pound the door jamb. The molding chipped from the force of the impact of Jason’s high school ring. Lynn jumped as the as the wood cracked and was shocked by his anger, but she still stood, dry-eyed, feet planted solidly, her arms crossed protectively across her chest. This was what she wanted. She would not be talked out of going. None of their tears or tirades would change anything. Kevin turned and stared at her incredulously, his head shaking ever so slightly. He was pacing back and forth running his hand through his hair, over and over.

“Cancer? You find out you have cancer and don’t even tell me? Jesus, Lynn! And now you tell me that you are leaving? Leaving me? Leaving your family? What! What is this all about! How can you do this to me? To us?”

“It is always all about you Kevin, isn’t it?” Lynn snapped. “Well, this time it’s about me and I am going to do it my way. My taxi will be here in a half an hour. I made all the arrangements earlier. I don’t want to spend this time fighting or explaining anything to you.”

There was a catch in her throat, “We used to be soul mates Kevin. Then I grew up and you didn’t.”

Kevin stood, jaw slack as the words stung him like a slap. They were true and he knew it. He wanted desperately for her to stop talking and for the evening to go back to being the fun, warm family gathering that it had been. The warmth was gone. Again, guilt nibbled at Kevin’s conscience.

Lynn began straightening the living room, tossing pillows, stacking magazines, her blood pressure rising. She felt like the walls were closing in on her. Usually, she was in control of herself, but l that control was slipping.

“Right now, I don’t want to look to you for emotional support because I can’t deal with you not being able to give me what I need. The kids will be fine. I’ll call them in a week or so. By that time, I will know my options and what I want to do.”

She was starting to get a little wound up and her volume increased. “You know, one nice birthday dinner in 25 years and a little memory book just doesn’t make up for all the forgotten birthdays! I just can’t…”

She cut herself off. She was not going to do this. Not now. Maybe not ever.

“I’ve got to go get my bags.”

Kevin stood gaping at her not knowing what to say. “Your options? What do you mean options? For God’s sake Lynn, talk to me!”

“Talk to you? Talk to you? Go talk to your girlfriend!” Lynn spat the words at Kevin as she shoved past him and ran down to the stairs toward her bedroom.

Kevin stood, blinking and breathing hard. The words filled the air like a poison fog. He’d been caught. She knew. And now she was leaving him.

Blake stood at the top of the stairs, holding Lynn’s suitcase. He had heard the whole conversation and wanted nothing more than to start hammering his mother with questions. But the look on Lynn’s face held him at bay and he simply said, “I’ll carry this for you.”

Lynn bit her lip and tried to smile at Blake. “I am sorry that I did not handle this the way you all wanted me to. I just can’t deal with it. I’ve got to go.”

Carrie had walked in behind her mother. She had calmed down enough to talk shakily. Jason had come outside with bleeding knuckles and fuming. This was all too much. She needed to talk to her mom.

“Mom,” her voice caught as a small sob escaped, “Are… are you going to... are you going to be okay?”

All she wanted was for her mother to put her arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be fine. Carrie had never seen such a hard look on her mother’s face. Mom had always been the sounding board, the protector, everyone’s hero. This person was not her mom. Her mom was the one who always took care of her. It had never occurred to Carrie that she would ever have to look to her dad for support. He just wasn’t that kind of guy. Kevin never knew quite how to act with his little girl once she grew up and he was no longer needed to run beside her on her bike or toss the basketball back to her as she worked on her free throws. Carrie hid her face in her hands and wondered how such a great day could have gone so bad so fast.

“I will call you later this week. I promise, I will. I am leaving my phone at home, so I can’t be reached. I can’t say don’t worry, because I know that you will, and I am sorry about that.”

Lynn could not look at her children. She squeezed Carrie’s arm and slipped past her. Blake followed her out. Lynn stopped short in the living room and looked at Kevin.

“I’ll be in touch,” she said in a frosty tone.

Kevin tried again, “Come on, Lynn!”

“Maybe Lisa can give you a shoulder to cry on.”

Lynn felt her body tense as the words escaped her lips. There was silence between them. Kevin had his confirmation. Lynn not only knew about the affair, but she knew the woman’s name. How could he have been so stupid, thinking that he had successfully kept his transgressions a secret.

Her exit went exactly as she had hoped. Lynn said what she had to say, and everyone had responded appropriately. A horn honked and Lynn was relieved to see that the airport limo had arrived. She turned and hurried out the door, Blake followed closely, not knowing what else to do.

“Just take them out to the car” Lynn said, careful not to make eye contact with him.

Kevin still stood in the living room, running his hands nervously through his hair. His wife had dropped this big cancer bomb on him and now she was walking out the door. That was just not the way Lynn usually handled her life. He had no idea what to do so he stood and watched as Blake carried his mother’s luggage to the car while Carrie sobbed in the background. Jason had begun to pace in the kitchen, confused as to why his dad was letting her go. He stormed into the living room.

“What is the matter with you? God damn it, Dad! Do something! Anything!” Jason shouted, but Kevin just stood, frozen, looking confused.

The horn honked again, and Lynn walked out the door without as much as a look over her shoulder. Blake had already taken her bags to the car and was standing by the car door, seeking some kind of reassurance from his mother. But Lynn looked straight ahead, silently repeating to herself, “Let me get on the plane without looking back. I need this, I really do.”

As the cab rolled away from the curb, Blake stood alone on the driveway. He could hear Jason screaming at his dad and Carrie weeping uncontrollably.

Lynn had made it this far without breaking down, she wanted to at least make it into the limo before she lost control. The tears were burning her eyes as the car backed out of the driveway.

“Which airline, Ma’am?” The driver’s question helped her to refocus and keep her from bursting into tears.

“United.” Lynn exhaled and settled back for the two-hour trip to the airport.

OMG! I can't believe I am putting this out there! I am wide open for feedback. I want to sell this book! Disregard the formatting; it got jumbled up in the cut and paste.

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